Last night, I let my paranoid hair hang down long enough to take the Mountain Xpress’ best-of survey. (I don’t think they would appreciate me linking a conservative crowd thereto.) The questions were astonishing. I had assumed I was the only person rich enough to have gone to a fast food joint – which I can’t patronize anymore because I don’t have 26 minutes to sit in their drive-thrus. I thought I was lucky to get seven hours off work every night for sleeping, eating, bathing, and other luxuries. So, how are all these people supposed to have time off to go to bars or money to go to Asian and seafood restaurants? How are we supposed to have favorite professionals, gyms, and spas?
Next year, if the economy continues to improve at a similar rate, I suggest the Mountain X adapt its survey to the greater Asheville population with questions like: What’s your favorite job (since we’ll average sixteen by then)? Shelter? Panhandling spot? Panhandling spiel? Soup kitchen? Bariatric clinic? Sidewalk? Diabetes medicine? Psychotropic drug? Psychotropic person? Welfare program? Case worker? Health ministry? Sleeping bridge? Food desert? Jail cell? EMT? Rehab? Bathing spot? Diving dumpster? Hitch-hike spot? And don’t forget – job-creating billion-dollar multinational?
