I just finished reading the Asheville Police Department’s Strategic Operations Plan. I pity the officers promoted to desk jobs who got stuck serving as strategy champions. Now, they have to make timelines and describe how they shall democratically procure software to make flowcharts. I am compelled to give bonus points. These guys not only speak Synergese, they speak it in garbled syntax!

Worst of all is the part about diversity. It is a big part of the plan. It looks like some fulltime jobs will be created. I mean, if somebody is bludgeoning you, it should give you comfort to know help will be on its way as soon as three sworn officers finish making paper dolls with the little girls in public housing. If I were rich, I would make a YouTube video showing people getting assaulted and refusing help from the officers who arrive on the scene because they are of the wrong color and gender. “No! That’s OK. He can cut my other leg off, I will wait for a white female!”

Documents like this are thinly-veiled racism. I use the word correctly because there is an implicit double-standard. If I, being of a majority color, were to scream and shout that I did not have to pay attention to the gun of a properly sworn officer of color, I’d be racist. But, if a person of color whines that she doesn’t need to listen to some honky cat, the homey gets hooked up with unpaid leave so he has time for some sensitivity training.

We tell ourselves that Latinos and Blacks fear the cops, and that they wouldn’t if cops were of the same physical stripe. Do they fear the cops because they are guilty and making excuses? Or do they fear them because the cops are butting into business without probable cause? If the latter sitchy-ation is so, then we need to explain to Blacks and Hispanics that this is not Mexico. This is America. Cops are not supposed to bully you, and if they do, the American thing to do is get your phone out, start filming, post what you see to YouTube, sue the police department, and live comfortably off your royalties.