One of the hottest topics in Asheville today is Mayor Terry Bellamy’s visit to Massachusetts (at taxpayer expense) to speak with representatives of Staples about their evil sign and their wall of mass destruction. If I were pretty and articulate enough to be mayor for a day, this is how I would have handled it:
Mayor: [Sound of gavel.] Go back to your seat.
Socialist Activist: Bwa bwa bwa.
Mayor: I know your three minutes aren’t up, but I took an oath to defend the Constitution, and your demands are repugnant thereto. Sit down and shut up.
Socialist Activist: Bwa bwa bwa.
Mayor: You are presenting a clear and present danger to our American way of life. I am not going to listen to you, because I know what you are going to say. I am not going to commission a study to appease you. If you want government to give you unity more than liberty, go to France. I’m also charged with protecting you from the type of tyranny you seek to generate through hype, so shut up. Did you not just pledge allegiance to the flag and the Republic for which it stands? The sign is within code. The wall conforms to the counterintuitive, hyper-regulatory codes that we are soon going to repeal. You are not going to trick or emotionally blackmail me into writing more and more and more laws to satisfy your desire to turn Americans into non-thinking, trained animals. If you don’t like the sign, get a job and buy Staples out.
Socialist Activist: Bwa bwa bwa.
Mayor: Security!
