Motley Fool contributor Brian Orelli explained how Obamacare can actually improve the health of Americans while lowering costs. If you haven’t read the bill already, you can throw out your sleeping pills and read it here. If you don’t want to read it, you can print a hard copy and use the bound volumes in your workout routine.

Of course, there are the unintended consequences. For example, those who have read it already were probably comatose to start. Many who attempted probably sustained a stroke at some point. Before that, they lost enough calories in their screaming fits to render the waste of the rainforest pointless. All this is likely explained away in resources available with more expensive subscriptions to the Fool.