The Hurricanes’ championship and subsequent reaction have brought a keen problem to the fore; namely, the need for a better championship anthem than Queen’s “We Are the Champions.”

With due apologies to Queen fans, that song fails to evince the appropriate bravado and swagger of a champion. I submit that no song that requires men to revert to falsetto does. As it is, I think the only reasons that it’s played by championship winners at all are that it (a) reiterates the sentiment “We are the champions” and (b) remains the only major, popular song to do so. If someone were to fix (b), I think that would take care of (a).

Of course, the Hurricanes have also made use of the Scorpions’ mangled-English chord-cruncher (“Here I am / Rocked you like a hurricane”), but that at least sounds somewhat battle-worthy. By way of comparison, we don’t hear Marines serenading the corps in falsetto in “shores of Tripoli,” nor does the Air Force take such vocal flight when declaring “Off we go / Into the wild, blue yonder.” Surely someone could come up with an exuberant, strong triumph theme worthy of a champion. I’m not sure who would do so, however. Michael, perhaps you could put your man Toby Keith to the task?