(mellow musical intro)
In this episode of our daily drama, As the Hospitals Spin, Mission Hospital PR personnel approach the press with an exciting new story about a new cancer center that will save millions of lives. Meanwhile, unidentified physicians in shining armor lurk in the dark, trying to save the world. Unfortunately, their high and noble intentions are thwarted as the media, obviously paid by Mission, twists their words into nonsense allegations about stealing patients and, of all impossibilities, driving up healthcare costs.
But some local physicians find the development troubling, saying it could siphon patients from other practices, potentially cause cancer patients in precarious health to drive farther for treatment and ultimately drive prices up.
Having the last word in this round, Mission Hospitals denies all allegations of patient piracy.
Stay tuned for the next episode, when the state sues Mission for operating a patient siphon without a Certificate of Need, and Mission is ordered to make twice as many bricks without straw, just as the instigator firing shots at Mission is about to have his mask removed.
(agitated musical outro, rising to a crescendo)
