The City of Asheville will pass by way of its consent agenda a resolution against fracking. They left out a few whereases, though, like:

  • WHEREAS fracking is bad because it uses machines made of metal that could instead be glutting the curling iron industry so everybody can afford to have pretty hair; and
  • WHEREAS, because our middle name is Gentrification, we are committed to aggressively pricing energy beyond the incomes of the poor, so the middle class may be taxed out of existence to subsidize their needs; and
  • WHEREAS since every good deed has bad side effects or can be construed so to do, we don’t need all those people anyway.