“Don’t just stand there; do something!” The well-worn expression favors action over inaction when faced with a problem. When catastrophe looms, some people naturally spring to work immediately. Others react as does the bird transfixed by the snake; they are the ones who need such a reminder to be snapped back to reality.

Action is warranted when the problem is immediate. But especially when the problem is perennial — or as in the case of “global warming,” the problem is theoretical — the “do something” mentality can lead to very silly actions, whether it’s “fighting global warming” by using only one square of toilet paper per restroom visit, creating a talking cartoon fish to get people to stop pouring grease down their drains, believing that chanting the word “vagina” helps fight sexual assault, or, in this case, thinking a theatre1 troupe will actually “promote health/wellness and social justice.”

The Durham Herald-Sun report on UNC-Chapel Hill’s Campus Health Services’ Interactive Theatre Carolina — one of the “Wellness Services“2 — falls comically in line3 with the assumptions behind the “service”:

As UNC students pack up their winter sweaters and take out their bathing suits, fears of extra pounds put on during the chilly months begin to surface.

Oh noes! Whatever shall we do?

Interactive Theatre Carolina, a new program developed by the university’s Counseling and Wellness Services, is seizing the moment to address a problem affecting about 8 million people nationwide: eating disorders.

Yes! Carpe momentum! But how does it “work”?

Using scripted and improvisational theater, the group of 20 student actors has addressed controversial topics from rape to homophobia, and now eating disorders and body image. … The group’s most recent performance, titled “Tough Love,” features a character, played by Love, who shows symptoms of anorexia. Her character and the character Amanda, who shows bulimic tendencies, fueled a large portion of the 90-minute interactive experience. …

Each performance consists of three basic sections. The first, a scripted scene; the second, audience interaction; and the third, a post-performance conversation.

Fortunately for the troupe, Campus Health Services, and especially UNC-CH students whose fees pay for Campus Health Services, research has consistently shown that people with eating disorders, who struggle with “body image,” or who are prone to rape and homophobia, absolutely adore scripted and improvisational theater and therefore are sure to hear the no-doubt irresistible message.

Notes

1. Only troupes equipped with the pretentious spelling of theater can fight for social justice.

2. Campus health services being the socialized healthcare of the socialist microstates of American academe, one can expect a wider range of daffier “wellness services” in the mad rent-seeking environment that would be created within the socialized-healthcare schemes sought by several unnamed presidential candidates.

3. Here the analogy to The Vagina Monologues becomes more apt.