Woops! The Downtown Improvement District changed its name again. It is now the Downtown Improvement District. The pursuit group does not want anybody to Google into rational negative publicity. Not to worry. I’m still at war with the silly notion of raising taxes to create a corporation to do what government is supposed to be doing, so government can run on its merry way making greenways and contributions to the “private manufacturers” – er, donors.
So here is a nice little poem I wrote about the proposed bylaws for the DID, DONE, BEGONE, BYE:
I am Sam.
I am Sam.
Sam I am.
That Sam-I-am.
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
That Sam-I-am.
Do you like
A Downtown Improvement District for Asheville?
I do not like it,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
A Downtown Improvement District for Asheville.
Would you like it
Here or there?
I would not like it
Here or there.
I would not like it
Anywhere.
I do not like
A Downtown Improvement District for Asheville.
I do not like it,
Sam-I-am.
Would you like it
On Haywood Street?
Would you like it
On Baywood Street?
I do not like it
On Haywood Street.
I do not like it
On Baywood Street.
I do not like it
Here or there.
I do not like it
Anywhere.
I do not like a Downtown Improvement District for Asheville.
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.
Would you tolerate it
With Qualified Representatives?
Would you tolerate it
With Mollified Representatives?
Not with Qualified Representatives.
Not with Mollified Representatives.
Not on Haywood Street.
Not on Baywood Street.
I would not tolerate it here or there.
I would not tolerate it anywhere.
I would not tolerate a Downtown Improvement District for Asheville.
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.
Would you? Could you?
With Major directors?
Tolerate it! Tolerate it!
Here it is.
I would not,
Could not,
With Major directors.
You may like it.
You will see.
You may like it
With Ex Officios (a), (b), and (c)?
I would not, could not with Ex Officios (a), (b), and (c).
Not with Major directors! Not even with me.
I do not like it with Qualified Representatives.
I do not like it with Mollified Representatives.
I do not like it on Haywood Street.
I do not like it on Baywood Street.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like a Downtown Improvement District for Asheville.
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.
A chair! A chair!
A chair! A chair!
Could you, would you
With a chair?
Not with a chair! Not with Ex Officios (a), (b), and (c)!
Not with Major directors! Sam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, with Qualified Representatives.
I could not, would not, with Mollified Representatives.
I will not tolerate it on Baywood Street
I will not tolerate it on Haywood Street.
I will not tolerate it here or there.
I will not tolerate it anywhere.
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.
Say!
With a nine-member Clean and Green Advisory Council?
Here with a nine-member Clean and Green Advisory Council!
Would you, could you, with a nine-member Clean and Green Advisory Council?
I would not, could not,
With a nine-member Clean and Green Advisory Council.
Would you, could you,
with members tallied grammatically as grams?
I would not, could not, with members tallied grammatically as grams.
Not with a nine-member Clean and Green Advisory Council. Not with a chair,
Not with Major directors. Not with Ex Officios (a), (b), and (c).
I do not like it, Sam, you see.
Not on Haywood Street. Not with Qualified Representatives.
Not on Baywood Street. Not with Mollified Representatives.
I will not tolerate it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere!
You do not like
A Downtown Improvement District for Asheville?
I do not like it,
Sam-I-am.
Could you, would you,
With a non-exclusivity clause?
I would not,
Could not,
With a non-exclusivity clause!
Would you, could you,
With presents from Santa Claus?
I could not, would not, with presents from Santa Claus.
I will not, will not, with a non-exclusivity clause.
I will not tolerate it with members tallied grammatically as grams.
I will not tolerate it with a chair.
Not with a nine-member Clean and Green Advisory Council! Not with Ex Officios (a), (b), and (c)!
Not with Major directors! You let me be!
I do not like it with Qualified Representatives.
I do not like it with Mollified Representatives.
I will not tolerate it on Haywood Street.
I do not like it on Baywood Street.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it ANYWHERE!
I do not like
A Downtown Improvement District for Asheville!
I do not like it,
Sam-I-am.
You do not like it.
SO you say.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try it and you may I say.
Sam!
If you will let me be,
I will try it.
You will see.
I will see it to the door.
I will try it when #&!( freezes o’er.
What part of no don’t you understand.
By trebuchet or rubberband
I hereby fling it off to burno
In the deepest level of Dante’s Inferno.
I will re-write history
And a Downtown Improvement District for Asheville will not exist to me.
The world has insufficient soma and crack
For me to ever want it back.
Good bye!
Go way!
Scat!
Shoo!
(repeat and fade)
