Yesterday, Mitch pointed out that the Joint Legislative Commission on Dropout Prevention and High School Graduation recommended spending millions on “graduation coaches.” A “graduation coach” would simply do the job that schools and parents expect teachers and guidance counselors to do.

Anyway, leave it to North Carolina’s public schools to take “coaching” to the next, extremely absurd level. You may encounter one or more of the following consultants, sorry, coaches sipping some hot Lipton and reading Highlights at a school near you:

1. Athletic (or academic competition) coaches – “traditional” coaches.

2. Literacy coaches – teach teachers how to teach reading. They do the job that teacher education schools didn’t or won’t do.

3. Data coaches – individuals that will “help school systems to use test data to improve student performance.” The State Board of Education requested $2.3 million for data coaches.

4. Life coaches – think Tony Robbins. Thanks to dropout prevention grants, the Edenton-Chowan Schools will receive $150,000 to hire a full-time Life Coach Coordinator and three part-time Life Coaches.

5. Positive Behavior Support (PBS) coaches – work with teachers and administrators to implement PBS principles in schools with rotten kids.

6. Reading coaches – distinct from literacy coaches; work specifically at Reading First schools.

7. District transformation coaches – facilitate “planning process and coordinates coaching and service delivery for a transformation district.”

8. School transformation coaches – facilitate “planning process and coordinates coaching and service delivery for a transformation school.”

9. Leadership coaches – facilitate “planning process and coordinates coaching and service delivery for 3-4 high needs districts and service delivery for a transformation school.”

10. Instructional coaches – offer “on-site support to help guide school leadership in developing school improvement plans.”

11. National Board coaches – provide assistance for teachers attempting to earn National Board certification.

12. School change coaches – facilitators for the “planning and implementation of the Learn and Earn early college high school.”