It was recently reported that Asheville City Councilman Cecil Bothwell abused his parking privileges to save several citizens trapped in a parking garage with deadly carbon emissions. He also saved the planet in the process. Buncombe County ended up billing Bothwell $512 for the 64 direct lives he spared, but let him go on the indirect, induced, and adduced lives created and maintained. The county alleged the gate was working properly and, no doubt, the garage was built in compliance with all local, state, and federal safety guidelines. The moral of the story is therefore that we need tougher regulations.

But then, word got out that the guy who finked on Bothwell, Commissioner Mike Fryar, had previously opened a parking lot that had been “chained off.” Fryar alleges he had procured the permission of County Manager Dr. Wanda Greene, but Greene says he did not. Mysteriously, we do not yet know who finked on Fryar; but curiouser and curiouser, the article in the local daily ends with the statement:

Fryar and the six other county commissioners set Greene’s salary and decide whether to continue her employment.