The world is just so full of tourists – you know, people looking for places to blow their unemployment benefits. And so, that great Town of Sylva, the one trying to get booze revenue so hard yesterday, wants to get on the National Historic Register. What? You don’t know the great role Sylva has played in American history? Obviously, through a lack of designation, you are not alone in thinking the town is just growing old.

Now, if Sylva really had its act together, its town fathers would do what Mills River did. Mills River got local governments to contribute tax dollars to pay a brewery to come here and outcompete the locals. As a reward, the beer company is going to print “Mills River” on the label. Do not scoff. Remember with me all those nights you stared at the label of your beer bottle, before your eyes got too blurry. You looked at the city where it was bottled – don’t deny this – and said, “I’m gonna go there someday. I’m gonna rent a pricey hotel room, and I’m gonna buy lots of stuff.” Dintcha? Dintcha? Huh? Huh?