I almost wish this were some sort of Friday follies spoof, but unfortunately it’s real life–N&R reports Guilford County Schools will apply for a $60 million grant to replace tapped-out Mission Possible funds. And what would GCS hope to do with $60 million?

A sample of key recommendations include:

Developing a clear definition of what excellent teaching looks like.

Strategic recruitment to build a more diverse applicant pool.

Screening for teachers and principals who can identify and acknowledge their own potential knowledge gaps and blind spots when it comes to students from different backgrounds than their own, and who will have high expectations of all students, regardless of race, culture and other factors.

Hiring earlier in the year.

Start planning for “significant shifts” in pay and career ladder opportunities to reward highly effective teachers and principals to serve in high-needs schools and/or help mentor others.

Wait it gets better–the grant application cites a 2005 reports that presents statistics proving that “nearly 60 percent of a school’s impact on student achievement is due to the effectiveness of teachers and principals.”

Student achievement has to do with the effectiveness of principals and students? Who knew?