by Harry Painter
Reporter, Pope Center
Huffington “Hit Piece” Post has it out for the “Tea Party Legislature” and us sinister conservative think tanks that pull their strings. Yes, yes, our dastardly grand plan is coming together smoothly. First, Art “Dr. Evil” Pope bankrolled the evil Republicans with his evil right-wing money from the “Koch-allied Pope Foundation,” and then we conspired to eliminate or restructure (potentially) 34 centers and institutes! That’s right, 11 percent of the 241 UNC centers are in danger of possibly being cut later, maybe. Because we Tea Party, conservative, anti-government folks are launching an “assault on higher learning.” Better be thankful it’s not 12 percent.
“It is hard not to worry that there is a potent ideological agenda at work here,” said Gene Nichol, the Chapel Hill professor who got paid $200,000 to teach one class, and who runs the politically biased poverty center founded by a certain former Democratic presidential candidate by the name of John Edwards, and whose columns are so politically controversial he has to include a disclaimer that “he doesn’t speak for UNC.” But no, of course Nichol’s motives are pure and non-ideological and his concerns about the use of taxpayer money are spot on. As I said, we think tanks with our “ties to the billionaire Koch brothers” want to destroy higher education. He is right to fear our wrath. And, as he so eloquently puts it, “North Carolina’s burgeoning war on poor people.”
We’ll see you at the baby seal-clubbing shindig next weekend, where we will also discuss our plan to inflict global warming and measles on the innocent populace.