That would be the UNC-Greensboro Carolinian, the student newspaper so obsessed with sex it’s to the point of risible predictability (examples: I, II, III, and IV).

Today’s issue has more of the same, including:

? The de rigueur sex column; this one beginning with a quotation about drawing the line at sex with goats and asking “why don’t more people feel this way?” The column goes on to reason in typical college-sex-column fashion that society’s problem with homosexuality really is “all about the butt sex.” Which of course is completely hypocritical of society, because after all,

“Straight guys love to have anal sex with their girlfriends and wives and enjoy whacking off to it in porn vids, but heaven forbid two men do something like that!”

The column also expresses dismay over Christian opposition to homosexuality, since

“Reading the Bible and only extracting that whole ‘not lying with a male as with a woman’ thing as your reason is like reading a novel and missing the entire point. In a literature class, you will not pass if you are in the habit of simply re-telling the parts of a book in your essay. You are expected to look beyond the obvious, take the time to consider the piece as a whole, and discover the meanings as intended by the author.”

Which the columnist helpfully does. “All I’m saying is that God loves gay people, so you should too,” she writes, before going on to describe “straight girls jump[ing] in the lezzboat.”

? A news article on the subject of the sex columnist’s sidetrack: Christian opposition to homosexuality. Though entitled “Campus News,” the column is replete with editorializing. This passage towards the end captures the essence:

“So the trend of the upcoming generation seems to be that of a socially liberal mind, at least on the campuses of the University of North Carolina. Even the Campus Crusade for Christ has made strides. Ten years ago, a leader of the organization would never have admitted that people could possibly be born gay. And the conservatives are fighting that growing freedom of thought.”

? A review by Carolinian editor Joe Killian of a web site ? “a porn site,” he stresses from the outset.

“What the site offers – and offers by the hundreds – is video clips of real people (as opposed to seasoned professional sex workers) having orgasms…from the shoulders up. Masturbation – one of (if not the) most private of human acts” etc. ad nauseam.

? An Arts & Entertainment article entitled “No Date Yet? Go See Some Art.” So ? where would the Carolinian propose a dateless UNCG student go? Lyndon Street art gallery. Why?

“Lyndon Street offers what [sculptor Erik] Beerbower could only describe as ‘penis landscapes.'”

? A rather pedestrian (for them) news article about a performance of “The Vagina Monologues” (the play sponsored by the Women’s and Gender Studies Dept. in which women become talking vaginas), which included such lines as “‘The woman who loved to make vaginas happy,’ performed by Hannah Davis, explained and moaned a sex worker’s desire for her own moaning and her love for making other women moan.”

? An unrelated article about a UNCG professor who has accepted an invitation to teach in Canada at the “National Circus School.”

That is, I presume it’s unrelated; however, the Carolinian has made it difficult to rule out a connection between UNCG and a circus school.