The Detroit Free Press graciously offers the perpetually terrified some advice on how to celebrate. (Apparently those guys turn off the TV sets on occasion.) Despite appearances to the contrary, the Dave Barry-esque headline isn’t tongue-in-cheek:
DON’T FALL or slip, trip, tumble, tear, collapse, crash, keel over, spill, skid, plunge, or get stung, burned, injured — in swimming pools, on family trips and even at picnics.
Summer can be dangerous. So let’s review some of the possible threats ….
CANNED SODAS: Bees, wasps, yellow jackets and all sorts of flying menaces are drawn to the sugar in sodas. They land inside open cans for a sip, and then sting the unsuspecting drinker. You could wind up with a swollen tongue or even a fatal allergic reaction. …
Never stick your hand — or any other body part — beneath a running mower. …
If you’re climbing rocks, trees or just your roof for a better view of the neighbor’s swimming party, use caution, wear protective gear and never climb alone. …
FLIP-FLOPS … can trip you, leading to sprains and contusions. …
Sparklers can cause deep burns, and small firecrackers can cause injuries and hearing loss. Bottle rockets can start fires and damage homes.
And it’s better to read newspapers online, because you could get a paper cut that might develop an infection. More importantly, however, I eagerly await the Surgeon General’s report on how there’s no risk-free encounter, no matter how brief, with secondhand flip-flop wearing. You never know when one of those guys might trip and fall into you ? or your children!
