Today, I wanted to look up a phone number for business purposes. A former contact was really good at navigating government documents and getting the most accurate and up-to-date information available about public debt. Of course, that might mean it is two years old with tons of accounts outstanding, but it was the best available. Anyway, I wished to see if he could save me some time searching for off-budget expenditures and any transparency laws that had been passed since the amazing book, Underground Government: The Off-Budget Public Sector, by Bennett and DiLorenzo, came out way back in 1983.

But I can’t get his phone number because it was in that dumb email account that I let expire because I don’t carry a cell phone and I couldn’t come up with an alternative email account that didn’t give away personal information. So many people are using my name on email accounts, I have to include my zip code, you know. I even tried setting up [email protected] and hooraynet[email protected]. I don’t think that went over well with the snoops.

Although they warned me, today I was met with a message that said I could reinstate my email, but it might take 30 days to receive incoming mail. It is all for my security. Never mind that I once had a cyberstalker. They can make a web page with a rectangle with a semicircle on top, the universal symbol for submission to the Eye in the Sky. I know, I know. If we lived under a tyrannical regime, we would be held guiltless for doing the bidding of our masters. But since we live in a democrat republic of sorts, if I play games of dominance and submission, it is of my own choosing. I think that last sentence needs a word that looks something like d**n, but my mother, who is the only person who reads this blog, doesn’t like me to swear.

Aw, go ahead, Big Gov, keep your secret budgets. I can’t take time off work to negotiate your obfuscatory mazes and give my employer enough hours so I can pay my bills. I am not worthy! I am not worthy!