Announceth the local daily:

Property owners are facing a possible tax increase this summer following the elimination of a $1.5 million business fee.

Elected officials are looking at scenarios that include either a 1-cent or 1.5-cent increase, as well as a possible hike in garbage pickup fees.

With all my psychoses, I easily read between the lines: Evil Republican legislators aren’t reaching deeply enough into evil businesspeoples’ pockets. We have no choice but to punish our citizens.

And we don’t want to hear anything about money going to crony beer people because we all know money is not fungible and there is no such thing as a budget amendment or funds transfer. The budget of the City of Asheville is terribly lean. If we cared about our children, 20 percent of whom cannot even muster a fistful of rice all week, we would be begging our leaders for a 30-cent tax increase to recruit more craft brewers to the area. What else is there?

Earth to Council: I was just talking with my roommate the other day about how one almost has to work for a large firm to get paid anymore. People out here are working without pay and figuring things out. Why does the city have to take even more of the money these college grads don’t have for purposes many of us do not respect?