Michelle Obama is determined to tax people more to get multiple government departments to coordinate schools, grocery stores, and physicians in an effort to end the “epidemic” “obesity” “crisis.” Strategic steps include revising food labels, which government has not evidently gotten right the first two rounds; and revising the food pyramid, which government has not evidently gotten right the first two rounds. (Hint: The eye goes on the top, guys.) More children will be able to take advantage of federally-funded lunches – because parents have so many higher priorities than feeding those big fetuses. We must instill in our daughters the images of hot role models like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. We must prod our sons to look like the “craggy and gaunt” Rolling Stones. We must push the federal government to chip all children so it will be easier to monitor their BMI, and withdraw state funding if cherubic little noodnicks aren’t made to run laps around the school until they are svelte and sexy enough to enter.
I hate to admit it, but the First Lady’s plan is already working. I burnt enough calories just reading the proposal on Asheville City Council’s agenda, I think I gave myself a mini-stroke. Sorry if the spelling and grammar are a little off here. Group scream, everyone. Group scream.
