Freak out with me! This is so rich! The City of Asheville is undertaking awareness campaigns to help dufuses like me learn that water is important in our lives. For those of you who don’t know, water is that clear liquid that can be seen flowing in lakes and streams. It falls from the sky as rain. It is what you put in your mouth when you get thirsty, and a lot of people obtain it by turning on a faucet. Now, I realize this is very difficult to grasp. And so, to help, the city is distributing coffee mugs with the slogan, “No Water No Coffee.” Who’da thunk that clear stuff that, as members of council say, per-Q-lates through their coffee machines was water! Someone call Obama. I’m hyperventilating from the excitement.