N&R editor and publisher Jeff Gauger suggests a few changes for the Constitution, “offered with the goal of aligning it with today’s real-world operations of government.”

Gauger’s most cringe-inducing suggestion:

Article 2, Section 1

No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; provided any candidate for President shall establish Natural Born Status by producing four witnesses to the act of Coitus leading to Conception and six witnesses to the birth of said Possible Future President and providing a Birth Certificate in triplicate listing one of the several States as the location of birth of said Possible Future President. Neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

Yeah I get it—Gauger’s trying to be funny. He fails. I’d almost wish he’d go back to cornpone humor.