Famous friend-of-Locke Andrew Cline reports on the brave, bold John Edwards standing up to “Them”:
Presidential candidate John Edwards said yesterday that unnamed elements were on a relentless quest to shave his head as part of a sinister plot to prevent his message of hope, opportunity and free beauty tips from reaching millions of Americans, especially female voters between the ages of 24 and 56.
“This stuff’s not an accident. Nobody in this room should think this is an accident. You know, I’m out there speaking up for universal healthcare, ending this war in Iraq, speaking up for the poor. They want to shut me up. That’s what this is about. They want to shave my head so you’ll stop looking at me,” Edwards said during a stop in Creston, Iowa.
“Let’s distract the American people from John Edwards’ lustrous, silken strands of chestnut boy-hair,” he continued. “Let’s distract them from the way the sunlight glistens on each gorgeous lock like a string of diamonds beckoning a virginal young maiden to her lover’s concupiscent bedchamber. Let’s distract them from the Platonic perfection of this shining head of frolicking follicles so that the American people will turn their eyes away from the man upon whom it rests with kingly demeanor and toward something trivial and inconsequential, such as the American economy’s healthy 3.4 percent growth in the second quarter, the Dow hitting 14,000 or the fact that Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Fred Thompson are largely bald.”
