Judge Covid, may I have a drink with friends?
DEADLY
How about outside?
DANGEROUS
By myself?
I’LL ALLOW IT
With family?
IMMEDIATE FAMILY ONLY
OK, thank —
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND
YOU MAY HAVE A DRINK WITH FRIENDS, BUT NO MORE THAN 10
Oh, thank you, your Horror, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed our local bar—
BARS ARE UNSAFE
Local restaurant?
TOO RISKY
Where?
ESSENTIAL BUSINESSES ONLY
What does that mean?
READ THE PDF OR THE FAQ FOR THE PDF
I don’t understa—
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND
Oh.
YOU MAY HAVE A DRINK WITH FRIENDS, BUT NO MORE THAN 25
OK, but—
HALF A RESTAURANT IS NOW SAFE
What?
NO MORE THAN 50% SEATING
But that’s just sil — I mean, yes, your Horror. What about half a bar?
BARS ARE UNSAFE
HALF A RESTAURANT BAR IS SAFE
Really? What about taproom bars?
DANGEROUS
Wait, why? What about grocery store bars?
GROCERY STORES ARE ESSENTIAL
Yes, I know, but —
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND
This again.
HALF A TAPROOM BAR IS SAFE
Great, so restaurants, gro—
HALF
Fine, so half restaurants, half restaurant bars, half grocery store bars, half taproom bars, are safe. What about half bars?
BARS ARE UNSAFE
That doesn’t make any sense, how come bars—
DO YOU WANT TO BE FOUND IN CONTEMPT OF COVID COURT
No, no, your Horror. I can get a drink outside with friends, though, yes?
…
Er, with social distancing, of course?
OUTSIDE IS SAFE WITH SOCIAL DISTANCE
Can it be outside tables belonging to a restaurant?
HALF A RESTAURANT OUTSIDE IS SAFE WITH SOCIAL DISTANCE
Great! Now, can I get a drink outside with friends, with social distance, served by half a bar with outside seating?
BARS ARE UNSAFE
This is not going to work out.
YOU CANNOT WORK OUT
GYMS ARE UNSAFE
Judge Covid rulings:
