Judge Covid, should I wear a face mask just to be safe?
MASKS ARE UNSAFE
UNLESS YOU ARE ALREADY SICK
Unsafe? What about an N-95 mask?
SELFISH
RESERVE THEM FOR HEALTH CARE WORKERS
Oh. Well, wouldn’t a surgical mask —
MASKS ARE UNSAFE
WASH YOUR HANDS AND SOCIAL DISTANCE
Even a surgical mask?
MADE OF CLOTH, WHICH IS UNSAFE
YOU PROBABLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WEAR IT
How hard can it be?
IMPROPER WEAR IS RISKY
MORE DANGEROUS THAN NO MASK AT ALL
I don’t understa—
TOUCHING OR MOVING YOUR MASK IS DEADLY
Deadly? For real?
TOUCHING OR MOVING YOUR MASK IS DEADLY
Isn’t some protection better than none? Even, like, a bandana?
MASKS ARE UNSAFE
HOMEMADE MASKS ARE DANGEROUS
But I’m frightened. Can’t a mask help?
MASKS ARE UNSAFE
MASKS FOMENT FEAR AND ANXIETY
Yes, your Horror.
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND
Here we go.
MASKS ARE SAFE
So I should wear —
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND AGAIN
MASKS ARE INEFFECTIVE UNLESS YOU ARE SICK
CLOTH MASKS ARE UNSAFE
This is confusing.
I’VE CLARIFIED MY MIND
What?
MASKS ARE UNSAFE BUT SAFE
CLOTH MASKS ARE INEFFECTIVE BUT IMPORTANT
Important?
NOT WEARING MASKS FOMENTS FEAR AND ANXIETY
But you just said —
MASKS ARE UNSAFE BUT SAFE
EXCEPT FOR BABIES
Um …
MASKS NOW FOMENT PUBLIC CONFIDENCE
OK, so wear masks when you can’t social distance?
NOT WEARING MASKS INSIDE IS UNSAFE
NOT WEARING MASKS OUTSIDE IS UNSAFE
Wait, now not wearing masks is unsafe?
MASKS ARE UNSAFE BUT SAFE
NOT WEARING MASKS IS UNSAFE
That makes no sense at all.
COVID LAW IS INSCRUTABLE
UNLESS YOU ARE AN EXPERT
But why is not wearing a mask outdoors unsafe? Isn’t the outdoors safe?
OUTSIDE IS SAFE WITH SOCIAL DISTANCE
NOT WEARING MASKS IS UNSAFE
Wait, what about exercising outdoors?
EXERCISE OUTSIDE IS SAFE WITH SOCIAL DISTANCE
NOT WEARING MASKS IS UNSAFE
But isn’t exercise healthy?
YOU BREATHE MORE WHEN YOU EXERCISE
BREATHING MORE IS UNSAFE
But it’s harder to breathe with a mask on. It could make people engaged in healthy exercise pass out!
NOT WEARING MASKS IS UNSAFE
What about swimming pools? You can’t expect —
POOLS ARE UNSAFE
Oh, right, just like bars, gyms, fitness centers —
I’VE CHANGED MY MIND
Of course.
HALF POOLS ARE SAFE
NOT WEARING MASKS IS UNSAFE
Even at the pool? How can you breathe?
NOT WEARING MASKS IS SAFE WHILE IN THE WATER
BUT I COULD CHANGE MY MIND
How can you take your mask on and off at the pool without moving and touching your mask? Didn’t you say that was deadly?
NOT WEARING MASKS IS UNSAFE
EXCEPT WHEN SWIMMING
Wait, what about at restaurants?
HALF RESTAURANTS ARE SAFE
NOT WEARING MASKS IS UNSAFE
I know, but how can you eat without touching and moving your mask?
TOUCHING AND MOVING YOUR MASK TO EAT IS SAFE
IF IT IS A HALF RESTAURANT
Just a second. If masks are safe, why not open restaurants all the way?
RESTAURANTS ARE UNSAFE
HALF RESTAURANTS ARE SAFE
If masks are safe, then why can’t bars and —
BARS ARE UNSAFE
— gyms open?
GYMS ARE UNSAFE
Are you telling me a virus knows the difference in venue, even despite masks?
COVID LAW IS INSCRUTABLE
UNLESS YOU ARE AN EXPERT
What if it’s a protest?
WHAT KIND OF PROTEST
How about a protest over closing bars, gyms, and other businesses if masks are safe?
SELFISH AND DANGEROUS
FORFEIT THEIR HEALTH CARE
What about a protest over police brutality and racial injustice?
IMPORTANT AND SAFE
EVEN WITHOUT MASKS
If masks and social distance are safe, then how can shouting and chanting in mass gatherings without masks be safe? What about large gatherings downtown that aren’t protests?
IMPORTANT PROTESTS ARE SAFE
OTHER LARGE GATHERINGS ARE VERY DANGEROUS
How can the virus tell the difference?
COVID LAW IS INSCRUTABLE
UNLESS YOU ARE AN EXPERT
What makes someone an expert?
ABILITY TO ASSERT TWO OPPOSITE BELIEFS
AS THEY CONFORM TO COVID LAW NEEDS
This is so screwed up.
SCREWED
NOT WEARING MASKS DURING SEX IS UNSAFE
I didn’t mean “screwed” in that — wait, what?
SEX IS DEADLY
UNLESS YOU ARE WEARING MASKS
You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.
MASKS ARE THE NEW CONDOMS
Really?
YOU BREATHE MORE DURING SEX
BREATHING MORE IS UNSAFE
Really?
PHYSICAL BARRIERS DURING SEX ARE SAFE
LIKE WALLS
Judge Covid?
THREE WORDS: SEXY ZOOM PARTIES
This is completely out of line.
LINES ARE SAFE WITH SOCIAL DISTANCE AND MASKS
EXCEPT FOR VOTING
Judge Covid rulings: