Here are some thoughts I had after a friendly conversation with one of our city council candidates at his tire store yesterday.
I used to think the obesity crisis was manufactured by the KGB to make the American women infertile. Now, I am convinced it is to prepare us for our looming Weimar-Republic grocery budgets.
But the key to getting a ripped, muscular infantile body is two-fold. We must not only eat like anorexics, we must build sidewalks. The problem is, kids don’t want to play on sidewalks. If the city really wants kids to exercise, they would construct instead extreme obstacle course routes to school.
Sidewalks are bad for the environment. They reroute runoff and disturb habitat. They should not be built until every worm and bug is catalogued. Furthermore, looming medical rations will likely see higher utilization rates for children falling down and going boom on impervious, rather than pervious, surfaces.
The real solution, of course, would be to serve concrete in school lunches. The downside is, we would have to find something else to group-think our rallying-arounds in selecting candidates.
