Near my house this morning, there were lots of emergency response vehicles and a forensic unit. It will be awhile before the public knows what was going on. It’s the weekend, the time us ignorant masses like our news canned.

Since nature abhors a vacuum, the wheels in my head whizzed, and I thought about all the young ladies that have been found dead in this town, the alternative population, and homelessness. My mind spiraled downward into an economic analysis of homelessness, and I realized it was good for the economy.

Suppose a vagrant bums $2 off you. He then spends the $2 on a can of beer. That money – in addition to the tax revenues it supplies – provides $2 to the convenience store. The convenience store is then able to afford to wash its windows, the window washer is able to buy a new bottle of solution, the desk clerk at the ammonia factory is able to replace his incandescent desk light with a compact fluorescent, General Electric is able to raise its lobbyist’s wages slightly, and the lobbyists can fight for more anti-carbon legislation.

Already, just using the basic equation of economics:

X = A + B + C + . . . ,


X + 2 = (A + 2) + (B + 2) + (C + 2) + . . . ,

that $2 has become $14.* But, since government is able to invest money much more lucratively than the private sector, the tax revenues collected multiply at exponential rates. Investments in green technology explode at hypersonic, exponential, synergistic factorial rates. Don’t worry. The math is too complicated to explain to somebody like you. Just rest assured, if giving $2 to a vagrant can create so much wealth, imagine what an armed robber can do?

*[Hint: Unless the “+” symbol is specifically defined otherwise, math instructors, in their jealousy and mean-spiritedness, will usually put a red mark next to this kind of stuff and deduct points.]