When I first saw the title of John Hood’s Nov. 14th Daily Journal, “Absolutely (Not) Fabulous” I thought it was a takeoff on the BBC comedy Absolutely Fabulous. One of my favorite satires, AbFab chronicles two middle-aged, overaged ex-hippie women gone high-fashion who are still (way) into their 20-something lifestyle. They overindulge in everything: recreational drugs, sex, men (when possible) and drinking, but have added (self-administered) botox treatments, chemical peels, and all manner of desperate measures in an attempt to conceal the effects of lifestlye, aging, and lifestyle.

Turns out John wasn’t (apparently) referencing my favorite show, but he was talking about the budgetary equivalent of a self-indulgent drunken spree by the administration at UNC-CH. Perhaps the better reference, given the way planning and reality align at UNC, would be to take a page from the master of college administration, Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff of Huxley College:

In a classic scene with two other professors, Wagstaff makes an attack on education while cracking open walnuts with the telephone:

Wagstaff: …This college is a failure. The trouble is, we’re neglecting football for education.
The Professors (in unison): Exactly, the professor is right.
Wagstaff: Oh, I’m right, am I? Well, I’m not right. I’m wrong. I just said that to test ya. Now I know where I’m at. I’m dealing with a couple of snakes. What I meant to say was that there’s too much football and not enough education.
The Professors (in unison): That’s what I think.
Wagstaff: Oh, you do, do you? Well, you’re wrong again. If there was a snake, you’d apologize. Where would this college be without football? Have we got a stadium?
The Professors (in unison): Yes.
Wagstaff: Have we got a college?
The Professors (in unison): Yes.
Wagstaff: Well, we can’t support both. Tomorrow we start tearing down the college.
The Professors (in unison): But Professor. Where will the students sleep?
Wagstaff: Where they always sleep. In the classroom.

If anyone at UNC is interested, I know where some excellent glasses, nose and moustache combinations can be purchased?to go along with their budget plans.