“Bush Has Secret Plan to Bring Back Debtors’ Prison”
Documents released today by Al Franken show conclusively that if re-elected, President Bush has a plan to reinstitute debtors’ prison in America by an Executive Order. In the documents, the President is quoted as saying, “Debt is a bad thing, y’know. Americans need to be taught a lesson and bringing back debtors’ prison is just the way to do it!”
Speaking amidst a pile of dead geese in Ohio, John Kerry immediately said, “So now President Bush has declared war on Americans with mortgages and credit card balances. If you’re one of those decent, hard-working Americans, do you want to be looking at the world from behind bars come January?”
The Democratic candidate quickly added, “I believe there is also credible evidence that if re-elected, the President plans to close all public libraries, invade Myanmar (which he probably thinks is still called Burma but I know better), and outlaw Sesame Street. Those aren’t my values!”
