Everybody is sick of beer news here in Asheville, so the new thing is gay news. In today’s second installment . . .

The Mayor of Asheville had to issue a statement about HB2. Of course. What would we do without statements from our politicians. What I’m hearing from all this is that the concept of biological gender is insane. I suppose it has something to do with the talking heads on Fox News telling us all the time about the women’s vote. Last night, in passing, I heard some consultant say women vote Democrat and want a strong leader. Some people with female body parts are likely hearing this, looking at Mrs. Clinton, and saying, “I can’t vote for that!” So, to reconcile the dissonance they conclude they are a man trapped in a woman’s body.

To help, Charlotte City Council tried to let healthy reasoners like this use lavatories and locker rooms that best matched their political proclivities, but evil Republican dictators feared for traditional concepts of privacy and decency, and protection of innocent little girls and the now one-in-six women who are expected to be sexually assaulted (this year?) from predators. But the unintended consequence of that is, fragile women trapped in men’s bodies must fear aggressors like Mitt Romney are lurking in the stalls to try to wreck their beautiful hair.

As a compromise, since this is all divided along political lines anyway, I suggest we relabel our restrooms “Democrat” and “Republican,” corresponding somewhat to “Orgy” and “Private,” so those who don’t care who sees or lusts after what can share and those who want privacy, regardless of body parts, can have protected enclosures for relieving and adjusting themselves.