Perhaps you have heard by now. We have an evil sign in our community. It says “Staples,” and because it is on a red background, the whole top of the building can be, but isn’t necessarily from a legal viewpoint, construed to be a sign that violates the sign ordinance’s size limitations. Activists have ranted and raved while normal people ask, “What sign?”

Ashevillians began hating Staples when the city, to create a “New Urban Feel,” demanded that Staples put its building front on the sidewalk and parking in back. That required an absurdly large retaining wall that has become known as the Great Wall on Merrimon. It is stupid by any extent of the imagination, and would never have been built if it weren’t for government’s great plans.

To mollify the public, Staples tried twice to landscape the monstrous wall. Their plantings had a way of dying, so Staples sent the last batch of dead trees off for testing, only to confirm suspicions that they had been poisoned. Mind you, killing a tree in Asheville is going to cause a whole lot more outcry than killing six or seven poor people in public housing. Exception is made, however, for trees planted by developers with evil signs.

To appease the radicals who seek to save the community from the harms inflicted by the evil sign, not only by poisoning trees, but by spray-painting graffiti on the wall, too; Mayor Bellamy has been demanding that Staples come to the table to negotiate.

To summarize, Asheville government made Staples build an expensive and stupid-looking building that upset the community. Staples’ signage was approved through the proper government procedures. Staples continues to be vandalized on a regular basis. There is nothing in the news to indicate that government is the least bit interested in protecting the property rights of Staples. We only have reports that government is still trying to force them to conform to the vandals’ interpretation of ambiguous, micromanagerial, and unnecessary legislation.Â