In an attempt to “read with comprehension,” I just tried “putting in my own words” an article replete with weasel words. It pertained to smart growth charettes in Boone. Scary stuff:

If you’re going to grow, grow with regulation.

The Boone Town Council fell for this ruse by transferring power to government in exchange for weasel words in Boone.

The council threw money at bureaucrats in spring 2007 and received its results this past January, the first recommendation of which calls for the creation of centralized control.

At the presentation, John Cock, associate control freak with the Lawrence Group, the organization that conducted the bureaucratic exercise, said the collectivist nionsense should be micromanagerial to the parcel level, identifying transportation infrastructure and areas to be preserved. The map would identify where uncomfortably tight growth should be dictated and areas that should be left alone.

The results and assessment were based on 10 know-it-all dictates from the Know-It-All Federation of Dictators: Outlaw self-determinism by mandating collectivism; outlaw spaciousness; restrict rights and tell people to be grateful for the few that are left; dictate transportation choices; spew weasel words; protect the rights of the trees and butterflies; tell people just where they can go; provide a variety of transportation choices; remind the people that that which is draconian is preferable to that which is capricious; and give property rights to outsiders.

Getting the collective to seize property rights will be paramount in the process, head guy of Boone’s Bureau of Compassionate Regulation John Spear said.

At the town’s junket for daydreaming about centralized control in January, council members set the wheels in motion by approving a time table and appropriating largesse from the public treasury for the systematic, peaceful confiscation of property rights. It will include community members, people employed in the Sisyphan task of trying to get government to create wealth, control freaks specializing in downtown areas, architects, transportation engineers and others, Spear said.

The tricky part? All of this is to be accomplished in a week.

This is done through a fad, an intensive multi-day, multi-disciplinary exercise in collectivism designed to get public buy-in for the dictators’ goals.

“It involves the whole process of implementing government-knows-best micromanagement, but it’s done in a very compressed amount of time,” Spear said. “If you went with the conventional method of centralized control aided with the buy-in of those who think themselves masters of all they survey, and were only meeting monthly, it’d probably take two years.”

The benefits of a fad, Spear said, is that multiple disciplines are brought together at once, meaning a considerable amount of work is completed upfront in the dictatorial process. After the first few days of the fad, preliminary findings are presented, then tweaked to fit with the program, then presented for further feedback, stripped of deviations from the initial intent again, and then presented again.

“It all happens in that one compressed time slot, so you can actually work and develop something like that in a much more timely manner,” Spear said.

In a memorandum to council members, Spear estimated one of Satan’s anti-property-rights spells could be completed within a six- to eight-month period, with the total cost ranging from $45,000 to $55,000, plus overhead for the bureaucracy.

Pre-fad justification of the bureaucrats’ salaries and raisones d’etre would last for four to six weeks, while the fad, itself, would last a week, and subsequent justification of the bureaucrats’ salaries and raisones d’etre, another four to six weeks.

In each community, the balkanized incremental steps toward burying the U.S. Constitution will give the hand-picked minions enough of the sweet taste taste of power, they’ll surely want more, and institute a to-the-letter definition of a socialist autocracy, which would involve a complete coup d’etat and result in what’s generally considered a much more user-friendly document.

“Typically, centralized control … is best implemented by a to-the-letter definition of a socialist autocracy, which has the same type of property rights deprivations as a phrase I just made up,” Spear said. “So, if you turn, you don’t go straight.

”The phrase I just made up involves the notion that as one moves from the rural interlands into the town center, the type and intensity of development changes. For instance, things don’t happen without government intent.”

In his memo, Spear said the overall time frame for the creation and adoption of a to-the-letter definition of a socialist autocracy is estimated between 18 and 24 months, and it can be completed in-house or contracted outside. Consultants usually ask from $25,000 to $70,000 in largesse from the public treasury to develop a micromanagerial to-the-letter definition of a socialist autocracy.

Spear is optimistic the town will be able to consolidate its centralized control with that of Appalachian State University.

“It just seems to be excellent timing for extending our dominion into other regions, as far as the university being in a position where they’re looking to update their campus-wide centralized control at the same time the town’s looking to develop centralized control,” he said. “So, it’s just a perfect opportunity to take the upper hand while they’re seduced by Satan’s spell.”

The council is now accepting proposals from design firms vying to direct the fad, and an extension of the existing bureaucracy of council and the executive arm of government-knows-best will select the most out-of-touch Candide.

“The whole idea with control fads is to load the front-end of the process with as much input as you possibly can and work out all the details before you prepare preliminary plans,” Spear said. “That way, you avoid that kind of vicious loop where I make up my mind, I give the little people a sense of buy-in, I wash out all differences of opinion in the collectivist exercises, and then some upstart exercises independent thought and tries to exert a little self-determinism in spite of it all.”