Win or lose, you can be sure that the US Men’s National Team, which just advanced into the World Cup’s Round of Sixteen after forward Landon Donovan’s clutch goal in overtime (er, “stoppage time”), will come home to a reasonably hospitable reception – millions in corporate endorsements, millions in lucrative contracts, and the undying love/hate of America’s small but committed soccer fan community.

That has a lot to do with America’s liberal democracy. Our government doesn’t – can’t, really – take it personally if the team does poorly. The same applies to almost every other team competing in South Africa. 

Almost. Meet the North Koreans. They went winless in two matches against group competitors Portugal and Brazil, so they’ll be headed home to the peninsula soon. (At least the ones that actually live in North Korea.) After that, no one is really sure what’s going to happen to them.

Deadspin:

The North Koreans beat a hasty retreat to the team hotel after their 7-0 gubbing at the hands of Portugal on Monday. However, when they find out what mental leader Kim Jong-Il could have in store for them once their World Cup dream is over, they’ll probably be taking the short journey back home verrry slowly indeed.

Despite winning round skeptical fans with a spirited performance against Brazil (and still having a chance to pick up their first points of the tournament against Ivory Coast tomorrow), one former North Korean coach is claiming when the players get home they’ll be given new occupations. Shoveling coal for the rest of their lives.

That “former North Korean coach” is Moon Ki-Nam, who defected to South Korea in 2004. Even North Korea’s present coach, Kim Jong-Hun, wasn’t inspiring confidence during his statement to the press:

“We failed to reach our goal. I want to apologise for this to our people. I do not think that we will be punished.”

A lot of talk about the abuse or murder of defeated athletes may just be talk. For sure, a lot of people deny the persistent rumor that the 1966 North Korean soccer team – which blew a 3-0 lead to Portugal in the quarterfinals, ending the best World Cup performance in North Korea’s history – did years of hard labor in a prison camp. But it’s not like totalitarian countries have an unblemished record of magnanimity toward their defeated sons. Remember what happened to the Iraqi competitors who returned home unsuccessful to face the Hussein family? Uday, son of Saddam and President of the Iraqi Olympic Committee, was not kind.

Coal mines or no, the North Korean squad probably shouldn’t bet on a ticker-tape parade in Pyongyang, anyway.