Think most of the proposed solutions to Europe’s financial problems seem pretty bad? Let TIME’s Joel Stein offer some even worse ideas.

His latest installment of “The Awesome Column” sets out a good example for Europe to emulate:

After decades of study, starting with a boyhood trip to Orlando, I have figured out that a perfect Europe would look exactly like Epcot: a bunch of slightly different restaurants that all accept the same brightly colored currency and have hostesses who say hello in a native language and then talk to you in English. So far, all the European Union has been able to do is the currency part. Also, Epcot has a reasonable five European countries, but actual Europe has 49. In their desperate attempt to become the U.S., they added members faster than cheap 1980s jacket manufacturers. We’ve got to get it down below 10.

Stein also advises thrifty northern Europeans to give up the notion that their southern counterparts ever will carry their own weight.

Fairness, which is what the northern Europeans demand, is the rallying cry of idiots. A world that is fair–where everyone pays the same dollar amount in taxes, Jay Leno is off the air and my book outsells Fifty Shades of Grey–is unfortunately not as efficient. Game theory demands that you take what you can even if it doesn’t seem just. Yelling at the Greeks to work more and retire later isn’t going to do any good. It’s a very normal cycle for countries to achieve something big and then lazily enjoy their accomplishments. Only with the Greeks it’s been going on for nearly 2,200 years. Since the Fourth Macedonian War, their only accomplishment has been making yogurt taste a tiny bit better.