10. Someone secretly switched his Files Not To Shove Down Pants folder with the other one.

9. Forget camomile ? nothing cures the itching of poison ivy like an arseload full of secret documents. (Also useful as a mild exfoliant!)

8. It’s just a publicity stunt, and all will be explained during the upcoming Clinton Administration episode of “Fear Factor.”

7. Oh, like you’ve never crammed your clothes full of sensitive documents! Liar.

6. Bush made him do it. He’s that evil, folks.

5. You know how sometimes you leave the bathroom with toilet paper trailing behind you? It’s kinda like that.

4. While poring over classified files, he was struck by the very tardy revelation that the baggy look was “in.”

3. Sandy a.k.a. “Gordo” was just pledging the Delta Tau Chi house. Why Gordo? *burp* WHY NOT?

2. He reads by the Absorption Method.

And the number one innocent reason for Sandy Berger to have classified documents in his pants is:

1. He didn’t want to be the only high-level Clinton administration figure never to have something inadvertently down his pants.