You, the people of North Carolina who are forced to fund this system and that university, just shut your traps and take who we give you. We are the most secretive public university system in the nation. We will tell you when we have made our choice, and only then will we tell you who he is (just like last time — boy, was that guy a disaster). Our choice is scared out of his wits of public scrutiny, the poor dear (just like last time). We will shower him with accolades and tell you how he is really the best choice we could ever hope to make (just like last time). We will express pleasant surprise over how great this person is (just like last time).

In short, we will do everything we possibly can to assure you that this person is up to the task of leading a major public research university — do everything, that is, other than letting you, the public, the alumni, the bloggers, the media, etc., etc., know who we are considering and letting them field your questions. Then we will tell you to trust us (just like last time). After all, leaders of major public universities have very little to do with the public, the alumni, the bloggers, the media, etc., etc.

Yes, we, the publicly funded University of No Candor system, are doing exactly what we did last time, and we are confident in the belief that we can expect different results this time, and that we can inspire your confidence in us merely by saying and doing exactly what we did last time. That’s because we are in agreement that we are Unquestionably Smart People, whereas you are fit only to fund us (and even that must be done only involuntarily).