Black, black, black, black, black. Black, black, black, black, black.

Asheville has a new police chief, and he’s black. Yes, the article in the Citizen-Times tells us he’s African-American about eight times. It tells how he has to reach out to the African-American community, and how the mayor thinks he will have to restructure the police department because of the deficiencies in black officers; particularly those of the female persuasion. The local leader of the NAACP’s comments were also collected for the article.

Now, white women are cowering in the corners, wondering how they will get any protection from a chief who cannot in the least relate. Granted, us lily-liver white sisters can relate to each other. But since we are always trying to think with our skin pigment and reproductive organs, and have not yet discovered how to use our brains – it will be a long time before we can show any respect to a police chief who doesn’t look like Hilary Clinton.

It is because I am trying to think with all the wrong parts of my body that I am asking about the dude’s qualifications. OK. He served in Greenville 13 years. Did crime rates soar under his leadership? What were his greatest problems, and how did he solve them? What does he think about Asheville’s B&E’s, predatory vagrants, school gang activity, etc.; and does he have experience and strategies for getting them under control? What kinds of claims were made against his police force? Maybe I should ask how one controls violence with skin pigment, instead.

You know I’m only whining because a white female was not selected. Using pigmentation and gender as hiring qualifications, rather than physical stamina, ability to think fast, knowledge of laws and ordinances, and all that, is really going to help improve the image of the police department. White women can crack my teeth with billy club sandwiches any day, but if a black female, or a white male, or (Horror of horrors!) a black male officer so much as looks at me the wrong way, you know I’ll be crying, “Police brutality!” (I need a brain to do math, so don’t ask me.)

Now, since only three people read this blog, and they are likely to all be turned off well before they get to this point, I will admit the whole news article reads like one of those police tricks, like “building up cases.” That whole charade exists to make officers look good if they don’t happen to see a drug deal going down right under their noses. The bad guys are supposed to expect high-level things to be going on in the background, anyway.

By the same logic, acting like the entire community is star-gazy at the hiring of a pigment-diverse person; it is sending a false signal to bad guys so they will think they can let it all hang out and be sloppy, because we have an incompetent ninny who knows nothing about fighting crime except how to brandish his skin color.

As Glenn Beck would say, “Did I just say that? Oh, ^#$%!”