On the unique pain that is the new “Goodness Grows in NC” PSA

This radio commercial opens with some woman being accosted for not “buying North Carolina” by a fellow with a distinctly whiny, nasally voice. If you haven’t heard it yet (lucky you), try to imagine how a bureaucratic Dr. Seuss with a tin ear for meter and rhyme would sound.

I pick up where my tape started recording, right after the woman has been threatened with “a citation, and maybe set a court date”:

ACCOSTED FEMALE SHOPPER:
Court? Now wait a minute …

OFF-PUTTING, NASALY WHINER:
Buy North Carolina products is what you must do;
Your grocery cart’s got some out-of-state clues.¹
North Carolina sauces or ice cream I do not see!
Buy home-grown veggies, too; a lot healthier you’d be.²

ACCOSTED FEMALE SHOPPER:
Let me get this straight
And maybe I won’t be late:
Buy from my home state
And everything will be great?
Aside: Oh, gee whiz, now you’ve got me doing it.

OFF-PUTTING, NASALY WHINER:
North Carolina products; that’s the way to buy.
Supporting your neighbor as easy as pie.³
You’ve got a second chance to fill up your cart.⁴
Enjoy the goodness that grows ? and you’ll eat smart!

ANNOUNCER:
Look for home-grown products at your grocer. Remember: goodness grows in North Carolina!

End Notes

1. What does that mean, exactly, except that the script writer couldn’t find a suitable rhyme? Not that do/clues works.

2. The first reason given for “buying North Carolina” (I’m assuming citations and court are tongue-in-cheek) is the food from NC is “a lot healthier.”

3. The second reason: “Supporting your neighbor” (within state boundaries, that is).

4. I thought she didn’t want to be late.