Today’s contestant writes:

From: Nick Kronmann
Date: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 19:08:55 -0400
To:
Subject: alex jones

mades you look like a f—— moron. have a wonderful day………….

My reply:

Thank you for your belated opinion on this five-month-old controversy. Rest assured that I will give it all due attention. Regretfully, I must tell you it is due very little attention. I tend to be unimpressed with criticism from someone ignorant of even rudimentary grammar, especially when the ignoramus ventures out on his shaky perch to hazard a negative verdict on someone else’s intellect. Call it a weakness.

My assumption goes beyond the biblical advice against pointing out the speck in someone else’s eye when yours is inhabited by a plank. My assumption is that if someone cannot grasp rules of language so basic that they are attainable to three-year-olds simply by listening, then that person is highly untrustworthy to follow on the more complex road from observation to conclusion. I fully grant that this assumption could be wrong, and that I therefore should pay more attention to the occasional dolt telling me “your a idiot” or “[he] mades you looking like a f—— moron.” But I see no reason to doubt my assumption yet, your sterling contribution notwithstanding.

In your defense, I think that yours is the first I’ve ever seen that had this particular error of compounding subject/verb disagreement with uncertainty over verb tense. “You makes” or “he make” would have been a rather mundane mistake; “he mades” is sublime. Such elegance in confusion is rare, and for that you should take heart.

Also, speaking as one who enjoys unwittingly ironic humor, let me thank you. It did make my day. Or if you prefer, it mades it.

Cheers,

JS