Wells Fargo on Patton Avenue in Asheville cut down a cypress oak and two cherry trees. That, reportedly, upset residents and “tree enthusiasts.” The trees were sort of special and had designations. The bank applied to the city for tree cutting permits, but jumped the gun. The city’s planning department said the papers were as good as approved but not officially returned. The city requires prior approval by its Tree Commission for replantings of mandatory buffers.

The bank claimed the trees were diseased and potential threats to public safety and welfare. An arborist said the diseases were treatable. Others noted the trees would have been minor obstructions to the bank’s new, humongous signs.

In terms of corrective action, the bank will replace the trees and is considering donating $10,000 to $16,000 (from wherever greedy banks get their money) to programs for tree planting and tree health education.

Today, a human was cut down by a truck. It is assumed the victim had no designation, and the assailant was in conformance with the letter and spirit of the UDO, as no public outcry has been reported.