I’ve remarked on the abject folly of student sex columns on occasion, especially those in UNC-Greensboro’s Carolinian. The history of those columns is such that it’s virtually impossible for any current or future columnist to outdo them in bizarre sexual silliness, but one can still use the painful-to-read reasoning process of a college opinion writer to “feel” one’s way to what is right. The results will resemble today’s column, in which the writer struggles with the ancient problem of religion and sexuality:
My personal philosophy on this is that if it feels good, our bodies were meant to do it. We have senses for a reason. We know that pain is bad and we should stop whatever is causing it, so why shouldn’t we pursue pleasure, since we know it’s good? Other animals realize this (dogs and dolphins masturbate), so isn’t it time the rest of us figure it out too? …
I do believe divinity exists and that no one is wrong in trying to get closer to it. I just happen to think that most people are looking in the wrong places. … I would argue that the closest thing to divinity (and thus God) that any of us can get in this world is a good orgasm. We are able to conjure and produce these incredible forces (essentially, bodily earthquakes) within ourselves and others that can ease pain and tension and bring peace and clarity of mind. And aren’t these things that people pray for?
If you doubt the divinity of orgasms, consider this: what if all your orgasms lasted for thirty minutes? Could you imagine the mind-bending thoughts and visions you could have? This is the reality for female pigs. …
