Great ideas, Roy and Donna. Can you just imagine it? Saturday on your local TV station. The familiar basso profundo of the announcer says, We’ll return to this very special Saturday movie, “B.J. and the Bear,” after a few words from our sponsor.
Cut to Andy Griffith in blue jeans, standing somewhere in the Great Outdoors, smiling and walking towards the camera as he speaks. Friends, let me tell you a few words about the state I love, North Carolina… He blathers on for a couple of minutes about the people, the jobs, the universities, the schools, and oh, the children. Stock images of same glide across the screen to a guitar’s soft, sweet accompaniment.
Back to Andy, stopping at a picket fence and putting a boot on the bottom rung. He faces the camera with avuncular earnesty. And if you love this great state like I love this great state, you’ll pick up your phone RAHT NOHW and call the number on your screen with your donation. Do so in the next 10 minutes and get this hyer SPECIAL PRINT by Bob Timberlake, kindly donated to the North Carolina Revenue Fund, for a minimum donation of TWO HUNNERT and fifty dollars. Live celebrity operators are standing by. The video shows the scene: rows of phones with people who are in fact alive although noticeably sitting by, including Clay Aiken; Richard Petty in his trademark shades trying to find the phone; that boy, what’s-his-name, you know, he’s in that show about that boy what’s in the middle; “Junior”; Dean Smith, looking confused; Jim Hunt, looking more confused than Dean Smith…
The video returns to Andy, who steps off the fence and resumes his walk. So please, folks, won’t you give back to the state that’s given you so much? Let’s all pitch in and help keep North Carolina great. The sweet sounds of the guitar are joined by the voice of Mike Cross: I like callin’ / North Caroli-i-na / Hoooome. The last note hangs there, with Andy walking off into the beautiful sunset, as the scene fades slowly out. Then Basso Profundo announces the return to the movie.
Oh, almost forgot: The reason for the telethon is that Gene Boyce sued the state about its aggressive telemarketing (and won, natch).
