Next year, the United States is expected to increase the federal deficit by about $1.5 trillion. That is according to Congressional Budget Office estimates, which in recent history have severely underestimated disastrous outcomes. Furthermore, the federal deficit seems to have increased by twice that much in the last few months. One way to make America solvent would be to charge every citizen his fair share of the debt. Those who couldn’t pay could be sold into slavery to the federal government’s creditors.

Fortunately, our wise elected representatives have a better idea. They propose spending $75 million from the federal deficit to take 50,000 acres off the tax rolls. The measure would also help curb spending on national parks. Don’t ask me how. I just live here.